A Wild Psychedelic Therapy Ride From Torment to Catharsis.
Trauma and Ecstasy: How Psychedelics Made My Life Worth Living challenges you as the book cuts deep and fast into a grim American reality. Alex Abraham is one of countless traumatized Americans wandering a wasteland, longing for healing, and seeking wholeness. In his late 20s, Alex’s pain becomes unmanageable, leading him on a desperate and courageous journey to repair himself. There’s a catch. Alex earns his catharsis but must traverse the newfound hell of childhood sexual abuse to get it, and psychedelic therapy offers the white-knuckle ride to get there.
The Journey to Healing
“For me, trying to heal without psychedelics would have been like trying to unclog a toilet with my bare hands. Choosing to use psychedelics to heal from childhood sexual abuse was the most important decision I ever made and the best thing I have ever done for myself.“
— Alex Abraham
In 2017, Alex was 23, fresh out of college and riding a bike around the Netherlands. The idyllic summer vacation comes to a screeching halt when Alex gets off the bike. Alex feels a strange sensation coming from his perineum. This discomfort is enough to trigger any guy’s primal fear of bicycle seats, and for Alex, it’s about to get much worse.
Alex leaves the Netherlands early and flies to London, where his health concerns first prompt him to seek medical treatment. A well-meaning and clueless doctor sees Alex, gives him some muscle relaxants, and says he’ll be fine. Alex finishes his summer travels and moves to Salt Lake City. Alex hasn’t left his physical maladies behind.
The Struggle with Health and Trauma
Alex’s health begins to unravel in shocking and vile ways. Alex’s man parts aren’t manning up, among other plumbing issues. The shame hits home for Alex during intimate moments with women. This experience unleashes Alex’s frantic search for a remedy as he visits a full suite of doctors, urologists, specialists, and therapists. None of the conventional methods provide any relief. For now, Alex still believes he’s suffering from a physical malady and is oblivious to anything trauma-related.
Then, synchronicity happens.
Alex is a fan of Tucker Max and has listened to Tucker’s podcasts about psychedelic-assisted therapy (PAT) with MDMA. One thing leads to the next, and Alex finds himself working with Rachel, a therapist in New York City. He tries MDMA PAT for the first time. His MDMA therapy piques his interest as he says:
“I realize I did not see it as a kid the way I am seeing it now, not because it was false but because it was painful. But here, lying down with a mask on, these memories coming up feel light in a way I can handle them.”
Deeper into Psychedelic Therapy
Trauma and Ecstasy moves fast from here onward. Alex still believes he’s seeking a physical remedy as he goes further down the psychedelic therapy rabbit hole. Alex finds another friend and trusted confidant, Bruce, a family talk therapist in New York City. Alex’s research on chronic pain leads him to ketamine. He does several ketamine sessions in Virginia. Alex remains unconvinced by ketamine, but he fully buys into Austin.
Alex moves to Austin, Texas, looking to do more MDMA PAT. By now, Alex has come around to the trauma possibility, at least unconsciously. He’s read Bessel van der Kolk’s seminal book The Body Keeps the Score. Doing so is pretty impressive for a guy who loves sports and played a lot of beer pong. It’s a good thing Alex likes sports because he’s about to learn what his actual score is.
Confronting the Past
Alex does another MDMA PAT session in an Austin hotel with a therapist named Amy. The results aren’t pretty. He begins experiencing more potent and violent somatic reactions to the therapy. As the repressed emotions get jarred loose, the dislodged psychic content fizzes into Alex’s dreams like putting Mentos in a Coke bottle. Alex dreams that he’s a boy again and getting raped in the piano room of his childhood home.
This revelation changes the entire complexion of Alex’s journey. Now, he discovers a link between the potential trauma he’s been carrying for so many years and his physical ailments. Alex’s travels and treatments might leave you panting and rereading a page or two as he yanks on the subconscious rope leading him back to his childhood anchor lost in the depths.
The Role of Healing and Integration
Alex lucks out finding Katrina, an energy worker, somatic healer, and integration therapist in Austin. Alex can’t believe he gives the woo-woo lady a chance, and it’s one of the best decisions of his life. Katrina is no softie, though, and Alex clashes with Katrina as his life seems to reach a perilous climax. Following an MDMA PAT session in Katrina’s office, Alex ends up sprawled out half-naked on the bathroom floor after vomiting. Insert Carl Jung- “There is no coming to consciousness without pain.”
Alex confirms he’s a childhood sexual abuse survivor. His psychic adversity starts in earnest, including recalibrating relationships with his mom and dad and redefining love itself. His mom supports him through it all, even though she must face brutal accountability, too (not to mention Alex’s dad). When his mom isn’t in Austin by his side, Alex soul soothes with road trips across Texas and the South as his quest for release speeds ahead.
Alex’s traumatic childhood realization obliges him to take action against his sexual abuser and grade school music teacher, affectionately nicknamed “Dickhead.” Brace yourself when reading the graphic recollections of what Dickhead did to Alex. Alex explores options to bring Dickhead to justice adding another layer of adversity and healing to his journey.
Alex chases relief from the pain and suffering over 18 months, from his parents’ home in Virginia to Salt Lake City, New York City, Austin, and beyond. Even though he only tried MDMA a couple of times in college, he leaves no psychedelic therapy untested. When it’s all over, Alex has worked with MDMA, psilocybin, ketamine, and LSD.
Conclusion
This book reads fast, albeit due to the brutal, punch-to-the-face writing style. It’s succinct and direct and won’t win an award for eloquence. On the contrary, Trauma and Ecstasy may induce stomach-churning moments. However, the sheer rawness brings shocking awareness to the sinister reality of childhood sexual abuse, especially for men.
More men suffer from sexual abuse trauma than we know, and this book will appeal to them. Trauma and Ecstasy hits harder than you can imagine. Do books have parental content warnings for things like obscenity, vulgarity, and sexual violence? If you’re squeamish or sensitive, you may wince as you read. Men will find solidarity in the grittiness.
The book does a good job not portraying PAT as a halcyon one and done. In Alex’s case, he required months of treatment and endured a great deal of somatic distress. The nasty somatic aspects alarmed me in their honesty. Don’t expect PAT always to be gift-wrapped with a bow on it. In this case, Alex was locked into a vicious battle that tested his limits.
But we can only heal our wounded souls if we’re aware of our trauma. This awareness is a big takeaway. Alex didn’t know he was traumatized and stumbled upon the horror by chance. How many others are traumatized and don’t know it? In the end, light does rise from the darkness.
In this no-holds-barred account, Alex demonstrates the resilience of the human spirit. He shows us how psychedelics offer us the powerful gift of spiritual alchemy. Transcending one’s pain and transforming it into love is the greatest mystery of all.
Book Details
Trauma and Ecstasy by Alex Abraham is available on Amazon.
- Genre: Child abuse, survival biographies, memoirs
- Publisher: Psychedelic Pathways (December 3, 2024)
- Language: English
- eBook: 204 pages
- List Price: $4.99
- ISBN: 978-1-5445-4157-0
- Paperback: 204 pages
- List Price: $14.99
- ISBN: 978-1-5445-4156-3
A Final Note
Alex Abraham asked me to read Trauma and Ecstasy for a paid review. I do not know Alex, nor do I have any relation to the Abraham family. Allison, Alex’s mom, provided me with a copy of the book to read.
