The dating world can be tough, especially when you start to reveal personal things about yourself, and you’re unsure how the other person will react. Psychedelic use in relationships may be one such area of your life.
For the psychonauts out there, dating someone else who is interested in psychedelics can feel like a huge win. After all, many couples who take psychedelics together can find that these are profoundly meaningful experiences. These experiences can foster enhanced intimacy and the resolution of relationship issues.
While meeting a fellow psychonaut can feel like a bonus in the dating world, it’s often not a dealbreaker. What may be a dealbreaker, however, is how someone else feels about your psychedelic use in relationships.
In this article, we will explore broaching the subject of psychedelic use in relationships and on apps or with someone you’re dating. Another topic in this discussion will be navigating a relationship with someone who hasn’t used psychedelics and/or has no interest in those sorts of experiences.
How to Broach the Subject of Psychedelics
The ‘psychedelic renaissance’ has involved renewed scientific and public interest in the therapeutic potential of psychedelics. This has helped to destigmatize these compounds and the people who use them. Nonetheless, this doesn’t mean that psychedelic-related stigma has disappeared completely.
Some people may still hold certain negative attitudes towards people who use psychedelics. This could include the association of psychedelic use with New Age beliefs, escapism, being ‘away with the fairies,’ and unhinged behavior. Others may lump in psychedelics with other drugs and consider the use of any illegal drug to be a red flag. They may consider this to be a sign of irresponsibility.
However, you can’t really know how open-minded and non-judgmental someone is until you see how they react to facts about you and your lifestyle. Like anything else that is personal and with some stigma surrounding it, being open about personal psychedelic use in relationships can feel tricky. How do you talk about it?
The subject may naturally come up as you talk about your interests with a date. And if it doesn’t, it can still be brought up casually. If someone asks you about any books, documentaries, or podcasts you’ve enjoyed, you could mention a psychedelic-related one. How someone reacts to that—and the conversation that follows—can give a good indication of their attitudes towards psychedelics.
What is most important, nonetheless, is how someone else feels about your own use of psychedelics. There is no ‘correct’ or ‘right’ way of using psychedelics (such as only using them for therapeutic reasons). However, you might want to focus on why psychedelic experiences interest you and what you’ve gained from them. This subject can also be discussed without going into too much detail. After all, some experiences can be very emotionally heavy and revealing.
When to Bring Up the Subject of Psychedelics
Some people on dating apps might mention an interest in psychedelics in their bio. This would, of course, be an easy way to filter out anyone who has a negative attitude toward psychedelics or all drug use.
On Hinge, you can also reveal whether you use drugs (and how often), although there is no psychedelic option. This means psychedelics get lumped in with all other drugs—despite being a unique class of compounds. If you reveal this information, no one will know if your drug use only involves psychedelics. That said, you could always state this in your profile.
However, it’s understandable if you don’t want to reveal this personal information early on. It may feel like a complex topic that can’t be summarized in a sentence or two on a dating profile. As mentioned earlier, the subject may come up organically when discussing interests and life experiences. For me, this happens pretty early on since I write about psychedelics for work. So, questions about personal experiences tend to follow.
But if your job doesn’t involve the subject of psychedelics, you may wonder when to bring up the topic of personal use. There is no right and wrong time. Based on what is being talked about, it could be brought up in text conversations before the first date, on the first date, or after a few or several dates. But it’s best not to hide this information before a serious relationship forms. You want to find out if someone else would be compatible with your lifestyle before that happens.
What if Your Partner Isn’t Interested in Psychedelics?
Someone not being interested in psychedelics doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker. It would be unrealistic to think that all of someone’s interests should align with your own for a relationship to work. Furthermore, there will be plenty of people who use psychedelics who would lack compatibility with you for other reasons.
Plenty of people have not used psychedelics or don’t want to use them anymore. The motivations for this avoidance can vary. Perhaps someone has struggled with drug use before and now avoids all drugs. (While psychedelics may help people beat addiction, this doesn’t invalidate people’s wariness about using psychedelics. This is especially true if they have a personal history of drug abuse or addiction. Hallucinogen Use Disorder does affect a minority of users.)
Someone else may have tried psychedelics in the past—and even used them often—but may have no further interest in them. Another person may have had negative experiences with them and perhaps struggled for an extended period because of those experiences. Others may have never used them but decided to avoid them due to mental health problems (past/current) or certain fears (e.g., about losing control and having distressing experiences). It is also perfectly valid to not feel drawn to psychedelics. This doesn’t make someone closed-minded. After all, altered states, healing, and spirituality can be pursued in many other ways—often safer and more controlled.
Being pro-psychedelics doesn’t mean you should try to persuade a partner to have their own experiences. This may come across as preachy, disrespectful, and unempathetic. One may need to accept, however, that their romantic partner may not also end up as a tripping partner.
It is also important to establish boundaries around psychedelic use in relationships that both work for you. For example, there should be discussions about whether your partner would be comfortable with you tripping in their company. If they would be, you need to think about whether they would be a suitable trip sitter. Someone who has used psychedelics before may respond to you in an altered state more appropriately than someone who is completely naive. But what matters most is whether you can trust the person to be warm, calm, and empathetic towards you, especially if you experience distress during a psychedelic journey.
How to Meet Fellow Psychonauts
Some organizations have tried to help fellow psychonauts meet each other for other dates. The Psychedelic Society in the UK sometimes organizes ‘slow dating’ events for psychedelic singles. There is a spiritual dating app called RLOVE, intended to “connect awakened souls,” which allows for profile optimization catered to psychonauts. Some argue that a psychedelic-specific dating app is needed, although the demand may not be very high.
Still, there are plenty of other ways to meet like-minded psychonauts. These can include psychedelic-related meetups, events, community groups, and talks listed on Meetup, Eventbrite, or Facebook groups. Psychedelic societies also host such events, so it’s worth keeping up to date with these as well. Other people meet psychonauts they connect with at psychedelic festivals, retreats, and conferences.
